She owes me nothing.
She doesn’t know I feel like this. I’m embarrassed by my own intensity. Yet how can I be embarrassed by something no-one knows?
it’s just…if they knew… If she knew. I want her to. One day.
I’m going through a process in which I must restrict my impulses until a later date. I care for someone dearly and I must wait. Time and geography and old-fashioned lack of facts back me into this corner and here I will sit and meditate like my gnome.
All I have – all we ever have – is the light inside me and the vibration of life.
They at last have a chance to come to the surface. Before they were squashed by my head and judgements and oughts.
The only way to sanity is sanity. Don’t push it. Don’t wreck it. Leave it. Leave it. Let go of outcomes. Let go.