I think I’m in love with someone: someone I had the good fortune to cross professional paths with last summer. I spent two months in her regular company, then she was gone.
I miss her.
We kept in touch. I’ve seen her since, once. A few emails, yet none for a while now.
She’s really touched my soul. I think about her a lot. Now I sway between taking my feelings seriously and wanting to dismiss myself as one of many who must surely fall under her spell.
Am I just the kind of person who likes ‘obvious’ people? She’s in the public eye, you see, in her country. Not a megastar, but known. Beautiful, talented, energetic, in her own unique way.
I blocked her fame out when I met her. I knew and chose to ignore it. I got to know a person.
Now all I have is online snippets and it’s her but it’s not her. I start to see how she draws in her fans. Natural charisma. Was I just one of the many who fell? Yet I did not fall for a stage presence or a picture or a video. I fell for a three dimensional, excellent example of a human being.
I know these things just develop if they are supposed to.
I have every reason to believe I’ll see her again, yet I have to accept that I may not. Where to direct my thoughts? Nowhere, I’d have thought. Meditate and dissipate: the only ways to sanity.
Why must I feel so deeply?
Yet I also don’t want to feel such lack of control inside. I miss the days when I had no-one on my mind.