Karma charisma?

I think I’m in love with someone: someone I had the good fortune to cross professional paths with last summer.  I spent two months in her regular company, then she was gone.

I miss her.

We kept in touch.  I’ve seen her since, once.  A few emails, yet none for a while now.

She’s really touched my soul.  I think about her a lot.  Now I sway between taking my feelings seriously and wanting to dismiss myself as one of many who must surely fall under her spell.

Am I just the kind of person who likes ‘obvious’ people?  She’s in the public eye, you see, in her country.  Not a megastar, but known.  Beautiful, talented, energetic, in her own unique way.

I blocked her fame out when I met her.  I knew and chose to ignore it.  I got to know a person.

Now all I have is online snippets and it’s her but it’s not her.  I  start to see how she draws in her fans.  Natural charisma.  Was I just one of the many who fell? Yet I did not fall for a stage presence or a picture or a video.  I fell for a three dimensional, excellent example of a human being.

I know these things just develop if they are supposed to.

I have every reason to believe I’ll see her again, yet I have to accept that I may not.  Where to direct my thoughts?  Nowhere, I’d have thought.  Meditate and dissipate: the only ways to sanity.

Why must I feel so deeply?

Does everyone?

Yet I also don’t want to feel such lack of control inside.  I miss the days when I had no-one on my mind.


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