July Goodbye

I’m so sorry my funny stunning hurricane of a girl. Did I get it all wrong? Did I turn your words upside down so I could see what I wanted to see and hear what I wanted to hear?

We’ve known each other just over a year.

We got close these past couple of months. Your affections, your friendship and the inspiration you gave were fireworks against my beige. 50 hues of gay.

And now you’ve gone.

Have you?

Where are you? I want to…

We met face to face for the first time in months. I wanted to kiss and you pulled your beauty away. I was already ready, you know. I’ve been there for a year.

You didn’t know.

Yet there was no shock on that face of yours. No surprises.

What’s going on behind the prettiest eyes that have ever seen me?

Your smile is wide and it hides you. It hides my answers. When can I have them?

Do I already have them?

Yes I’m impatient.

The eternal internal battle between sapphic and stoic is thundering in my chest, stamping out the butterflies that resided there the whole time your face warmed my life.

I miss you.

Are we still friends?

On the surface we are but something’s changed.

Veiled poetry by your hand gives me hope. You wrote about us, you did!

…or are you on another woman’s hook?

And me?

I have to let the dust settle before my heart flies off.

I didn’t handle my feelings for you very skilfully my beautiful girl. I let you throw me around and break me open and now what. Where are you? God damn you and my heart chakra. The pair of you have split me open and I’m raw in the onslaught of the city.

I am rudderless and I need you.

I need you in my heart where you can whisper encouragements in both our tongues, asking me if I’m uncomfortable showing my heart then when I say yes you telling me to do it again do it again.

Did you know did you know you transformed me?


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