Parce que

Because when I was about 10 I was called a tomboy and told to take more care over my appearance.  Through obedient tears I brushed my hair, plucking the stray ones from an already hairy batwing hand-me-down.  Could happen to anyone… Because when I was 13 I started to have sexual thoughts, only about women. […]

Clean Lines

I see our ghosts here Standing under the cavernous ceiling of this huge room; Brown wood Panels Blocks… That’s the spot, right there. Your piercing eyes, sweat, swirling spiral stairs, Your breath; you smelt of something for just one flash! She’s going to fall, it looks precarious there – Grabbed arse, not mine for a change. […]

Seething; soothing

Full and moving, jumbling thoughts only ever heard by me Must blurt, spill on page, give voice! Breathless hope in the tones of others gayer than me push for release… I think I can, I know I can… Imagine…the words…laid out, daubed, splashed…for others.  Recognition completely. Intimacy finally… Iron brain ponders this then forbids; Portcullis […]

Is there anybody there? #2 Little One

Little Miss Young lady Pretty little thing Sexy little thing Bad girl Any combination of the above, she answers to all. Is this attraction?  Fuck, I have been missing out my whole life. Is it called chemistry because it burns you?  You have to be careful with chemical sets. So this one, Little One, 23 […]

Is there anybody there? #1

The first in a series of homages to my loves past, present and future… I haven’t felt all that sad since D and I broke up two months ago.  A few tears, some low-level bleakness; nothing heart-rending.  Is it coming?  I want to make it come, if it’s there. Come out cowardly grief, if you […]

Adios my sweet

A moment of clarity while rooted to my desk, to my screen, to my endless thoughts. My brain wanted to know what was right and what was wrong and fuck if I ever need to remember to trust myself! Was I right was I right not to fight for her? Is it enough to miss […]

Femme perdue

I can’t write. I am writing. Where do I start? I strive for the higher plane of the lessons of my split and split I am indeed Between the intense joy of life and freedom and the everyday missing her I think I know what love can be and we didn’t have enough Not to […]